5 Steps on How to Practice More Radical Kindness in Your Life
If you’ve been following me on social media this week you might have recognized that I am on a mission to uncover the differences between being a NICE person versus being a KIND person.
And, while I believe nice people can be kind, and kind people can be nice – there is a distinct difference between the two.
According to dictionary.com. “Nice” is defined as “pleasing; agreeable; delightful” while “kind” is defined as “having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence.”
For me, the definition is simple: nice people do things because they want others around them to feel happy or be happy, while kind people do things out of real pureness, generosity, and authenticity for others.
While I believe it is nice to be nice, in order for you to thrive in your life (and in your j-o-b) it is essential that we practice radical kindness to everyone around us.
As a recovering “nice” person myself, I am here to tell you that if you are living your life to make other people happy, this conscious decision and lifestyle will not get you to where you want to go in your life. Speaking for myself, living a nice lifestyle lead me to burnout, broken friendships, feeling unrecognized & unappreciated, and being overwhelmed with too many obligations.
Also, in my experience, nice people don’t last nice forever.
At some point, niceness may turn into resentment, frustration, anger, feeling unappreciated, disappointment, under-recognized, and, maybe just burned out from all-of-the-things.
I am not trying to go deep into ethics here, but my goal in sharing this topic with you is that you can flip the script and turn from doing things to make other people happy to putting yourself a top priority, or, better yet, your #1 priority!
If this topic resonates with you, here are my 5 steps on how to practice more radical kindness in your day-to-day life:
Switch your default answer to “Thank you so much for the X, please let me think about it.” X can mean an invitation to a party, an additional side job, a special project, or an invitation to participate in a committee, etc. If you struggle with people pleasing and accommodating to people around you instead of putting yourself first, have a gut instinct response other than “YES.”
Don’t force it: Trust yourself when making decisions. If you know you need some downtime and your friend wants to come over for a wine night, voice what is most important to you. If your friend ends up coming over (out of obligation or guilt) and taking away your downtime, you might feel resentful in the future or unrested the next day. Ask your friend to reschedule for another night that you know you will feel more energized.
Get crystal clear on what you want: How do you know what to say yes or no to if you are unclear of what you want to achieve? If you do not know what you want, then you are at risk of following what others want out of you.
Spend your time, energy, and expertise strategically & intentionally: Having clarity in achieving your goals will allow you to hone in and focus on what is most important to you. Everyone has 24 hours in a day, how you spend your time or who you spend it with will determine your ability to reach your personal goals and live your best life!
As with anything new, this might be uncomfortable - PRACTICE, PRACTICE, & MORE PRACTICE: I know it sounds odd, but this will be a new habit that you will need to begin flexing. Just like working on getting bigger muscles and running faster, you have to WORK at it to get better at it.
Understanding the difference between being NICE versus KIND truly CHANGED MY LIFE. I no longer give out of obligation or accept opportunities because I feel as if I have to. Once I started to prioritize my needs, my friendships and relationships rapidly changed and are now the strongest they've ever been.... and in turn I am TRULY living a happy life.
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