Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection
Perfectionism is a characteristic trait that many of my clients struggle with.
In fact, I will fully admit, that I am a recovering perfectionist.
Back in 2015, through working with both a coach and a therapist, I learned that I was purely being driven to obtain my goals by the desire and external validation to be viewed as perfect.
This entire experience led me to burnout, fatigue, unhappiness, and copious amounts of anxiety.
And since then, I have done everything I possibly can to beat this mindset, plus help others navigate and beat this feeling as well.
PERFECTIONISM IS THE MINDSET OF WANTING TO BE THE BEST OF THE BEST, TO NEVER MAKE MISTAKES, TO BE FLAWLESS, TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DOING 24/7, AND TO ALWAYS “WIN” AT ACHIEVING THE GOAL.
Essentially, perfectionism is the desire to never appear like a failure or to look like you don’t have your sh*t together.
And, whether perfectionism is a concept we learn during our childhood or something that we pick up throughout our adulthood (especially while scrolling through social media or comparing our life to someone else’s), perfectionism is a trait that many of my clients are experiencing today.
The challenging aspect of perfectionism is that there are many positive tones, messaging, and successful values driving aspects of perfectionism.
BECAUSE PERFECTIONISM IS A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD.
On the positive side: When you strive for perfection, it requires one to be extremely dedicated to achieving the goal or reach for success. And, when the goal is achieved, there is a reward for those perfectionistic traits…. You achieved what you set out for!
However, the downside to perfectionism is really the major issue.
The downside of perfectionism is something has to give. You cannot be 100% perfect; it is absolutely impossible.
In other words, perfectionism is not always bad…. Until it is really bad!
Perfectionism can lead to success, but other parts of your life will suffer (ie: happiness, marriage, friendships, relationships, health, etc.)
Reality check – we are ALL human and it is impossible to do-all-of-the-things-perfectly (dang it!).
For example, you might be really strong in one area, let’s say running, but coupled with daily training, waking up early, skipping out on family functions to train more, aiming to always eat the right food, and going to bed early to never miss a workout, might get in the way of building your relationships. So, when you are always aiming to be a perfect runner, your outside relationships might suffer.
AIMING FOR PERFECT IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO ACHIEVE GOALS. HOWEVER, STRIVING FOR EXCELLENCE IS.
The main difference between high achievers (those people who set achievable goals) and perfectionists (those who might set unachievable goals) are that high achievers desire the growth and the challenge of achieving a goal; whereas perfectionists do NOT.
Perfectionists hate not being right and hate not knowing something, so the desire for growth is uncomfortable to them. However, growing and learning a new skill, or becoming better at something, requires one to be kinda crappy at it in the beginning… and perfectionists hate this idea!
PERFECTIONISM IS A MINDSET BASED OUT OF OTHER INSECURITIES THAT DRIVES ONE TO ACHIEVE GOALS. WHEREAS A HIGH ACHIEVER WANTS TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES AND ENJOYS THE RIDE TO SUCCESS.
Traits of Perfectionism are:
Procrastination – always push things off because it is not the “right” time.
Perfection Paralysis – get stuck in “where to start” or get stuck in the mindset of “there is too much to do so I am not going to do anything because I do not want to suck at it.”
Constant Fear of Failure – constant nagging of “this might not work out” and “I am going to look dumb doing this.”
Focus on the outcome and the results (and nothing else) – the only thing that matters is the outcome, not the path to achieving the outcome.
Very critical of oneself and of others – highly judgmental, and difficult to please from oneself or of others.
Unrealistic Standards – set such high expectations for themselves, that there is a constant strive for achieving something that might never even be achievable.
Defensive – unwilling to step outside their own comfort zone; and not exactly open to receiving constructive feedback. Pretty closed off to support or help.
Low Self Esteem – lack of true confidence in oneself, and the empowerment or feeling to actually achieve goals.
Copious amount of time working towards something – unwilling to walk away or “give up” on something.
HOW TO BEAT PERFECTIONISM:
Being Self-Aware. Identifying what perfectionism is vs. high achieving is step 1. Practicing self-acceptance and self-compassion is a huge part in navigating perfectionism.
Unfollow or remove yourself from other perfect people. If others around you expect perfection from you or just themselves, it is an unrealistic feeling. Practicing self-care is about removing yourself from these situations.
Aim to be good enough, not perfect. It is impossible to be perfect at everything, so the goal is to set standards in your life that are “good enough” to get you to achieve the success that you desire.
Recognizing that your self-worth is not tied to your outcomes. You are not your goals, you are not your title, you are not your salary, you are not your resume. Knowing that you are a human outside of whatever goals you achieve is a huge factor in building your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Set challenging yet achievable goals. Focusing on ONE micro-goal at a time is critical to achieving the over-arching BIG goal. Practice celebrating the small wins because the journey IS part of achieving success.
Strive for living in the present. If you are always focused on the outcome or the goal, you are missing out on the world that is happening right in front of you. Practice gratitude for being able to live in the moment. This is a daily habit that requires intention and focus. Take 5 deep breaths and write down what you are grateful for right now.
Commit to yourself. You are your best advocate. Only you can change the mindset of navigating perfectionism.
Finding adaptive strategies and learning how to cope with managing your perfectionism is so important to achieving big results.
AND REMEMBER:
DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT.
PERFECT DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST.
PERFECTIONISM IS A SIGN OF INSECURITY.
IF YOU WAIT FOR EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT BEFORE YOU START, YOU WILL NEVER START AND NEVER FINISH.
DO THE WORK, AND IMPROVE THE WORK, BUT DON’T WAIT AROUND UNTIL IT IS PERFECT TO RELEASE YOUR WORK INTO THE UNIVERSE.
PROGRESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERFECTIONISM.
YOU WILL NEVER MAKE PROGRESS IF YOU GET STUCK IN PERFECTION.
Please reach out to me directly @ HELLO@RXASHLEE.COM, if you need support in working through this perfectionism mentality.
I got you!
XX
Ash
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