A Quick Start Guide to Hosting an Au Pair
After hosting 3 Au Pair’s, I feel like we are finally hitting our stride with selecting, managing, and living with an AP. Although I am still learning the art of managing work, kids, marriage, life, house, etc. etc. etc, I feel confident that hosting an Au Pair is a great fit for our family. There has been MANY (many!) learning lessons along the way and I hope someone can learn from our mistakes and our major wins in this blog!
I will preface this blog with 3 statements:
Every host family has different requirements, expectations, and purposes for hosting an Au Pair. No host family (or Au Pair) is the same. Every family is unique and will have different rules, preferences, needs, and ideas of what is expected of their AP.
My husband and I both work demanding jobs that require flexibility, irregular hours, and a lot of last-minute schedule changes. A live-in childcare provider is essential for us given our non-traditional schedules.
I recognize it is a privilege to host an Au Pair, and this setup is not for everyone. Hosting an Au Pair requires an open mindset, clear communication, the ability to have tough conversations, the willingness & the desire to learn a new culture, and, most importantly, the ability to manage, train, & onboard a new member to your family.
In this blog, I will address:
What is an Au Pair (AP)?
What is the difference between an Au Pair vs. Nanny?
How did you find your AP?
What is the cost of the AP?
What is your AP schedule?
What is the time commitment?
Do you like the live-in situation?
How did you plan your physical housing space to accommodate?
Do you require the AP to teach your girls their primary language (if not English)?
How do you know if someone is going to be a good fit and not quit 3 weeks in?
What if you are unhappy with your AP?
How did you get started in this process?
Biggest learning lessons since hosting an AP
In this blog, I will NOT be addressing:
1) Which agency you should choose to work with
2) Setting up your host family profile
3) Interview process, questions to ask, how to do interviews, or selecting the perfect candidate for your family
4) Car & house rules
5) Costs beyond minimal expectations
6) The AP rematch process
And much much more…
If you are looking for more details, please write to me and let me know. I can put together a part II of this resource if needed.
Please keep in mind that I am writing this resource from my OWN PERSONAL experience and perspective. There are hundreds of different views on Au Pairs and you are free to review other resources. This resource is from MY OWN personal experience with hosting 3 female French Au Pairs, not a Google search. For the purposes of privacy, I will be omitting all of our AP names as well.
Alright, let’s dive in!
What is an Au Pair (AP)?
An Au Pair is an adult childcare provider, somewhere between the ages of 18 and 27ish years old, who is living in the US with a “matched” host family under a J1 visa.
Hosting an Au Pair requires many steps including, but not limited to: registering your family with an agency, setting up a host family profile, paying the fees, interviewing AP candidates, matching with an AP, setting up the AP living space, onboarding and offboarding the AP, driving the AP around or teaching them how to drive in our country, registering the AP with school pickups, introducing the AP to a new country, learning how to live with a new adult in your home, setting up a bank account, and much more.
There are many U.S. workforce & labor laws and regulations that protect both the host family and AP. To name a few rules (this is not an inclusive list): an AP is only allowed to work 45 hours per week, the AP is only allowed to work with the host family's children (no other outside kids), they are unable to be a W-2 employee, and they are required to take at least 6-semester credits or 72 hours at an accredited post-secondary university in the United States.
Overall, in our experience, the AP is an adult who comes from out of the country and is responsible for watching our children 20-40 hours per week (depending on the week), lives with us, and is treated like our oldest daughter. Our APs are not considered employees, they are considered additional adult living in our home that is responsible, trustworthy, fun to be around, adds value to our home, and enjoy taking care of our kids.
During the APs (we’ve only hosted female APs) off-time she is free to do whatever she wants! Travel, go out to parties, and restaurants, go to the beach, hang out with friends, etc. When she is not working, she can do whatever she wants.
To learn more about J1 visa, here is a good resource: J1 Visa info
What is the difference between an Au Pair vs. Nanny?
An Au Pair is from out of the country living in the US with a host family and is here temporarily under a J1 visa. The AP works with an agency to be placed into the family, and the AP is under contract with the family for 1 year. Their J1 visa allows them to stay in the US for up to two years. This means that the AP can extend with the current host family or they can go and look for a different family to work with for their second year. APs can also extend for 6 or 9 months, but my understanding is that this is less common.
Typically, a nanny lives in their own home with their own personal and professional goals & rules, and when off-duty the nanny is (technically speaking) not part of your family. Of course, there are outliers to this, I do know some families where their nanny lives with them, but this is more of an exception than the norm. Where we live, the cost of a nanny ranges from ~$20-$40 per hour and the expectations are to compensate them & treat them similarly to an employee (ie: provide PTO, sick days, benefits, bonus, etc.).
In the past, we’ve hired babysitters, nannies, and Au Pairs, and, in our experience, the main differences between the three are cost, living expectations, responsibilities, and individual goals. Oftentimes, the AP goals are to experience the US, improve their English, join a welcoming American family, and immerse themselves in the US culture.
How did you find your current AP?
We work with an agency called Cultural Care (CC) which is one of the largest Au Pair agencies. There are many other agencies that exist but CC has the largest footprint in the countries we interview (our experience is only APs from France) and select APs from so it makes the most sense for us to stick with this agency.
What is the cost of the AP?
As a host family you are financially responsible for agency fees, cell phone bill, room and board, car expenses (if you have an AP that drives), groceries, travel if your AP goes on holiday with you, and more. For us, our AP is treated like a family member, so whenever we go out to meals or family activities (we just went to the pumpkin patch), our APs are mostly included so we cover the costs.
The weekly stipend for an Au Pair is ~$200/week. We pay ours more because she drives our kids around so she needs money for gas.
This brings up a good point: Some APs drive, while others do not. Some host families provide an AP car, while others do not. We require our Au Pairs to drive and this year we purchased our AP her own car (2010 Toyota RAV4, my mom sold it to us). The ability to drive is very important in our family and I made sure to address this during our very first interview.
The pricing fee schedule can be found here from cultural care: https://culturalcare.com/pricing/
What is the time commitment?
The host family and the AP sign a one-year contract. Sometimes APs decide to extend their contract to two years or sometimes they extend with different families at different lengths (ie: 6, 9, or 12-month length).
What is your AP schedule?
Weekdays: We have a split AP schedule. This means our AP works from 6 am-9 am, then again from 3 pm-8 pm. Both of our daughters are in school, so this schedule makes the most sense for our family. It is very difficult to find a traditional nanny who can manage this split schedule, so a live-in AP is our best option.
Weekends: Our APs work some weekend nights if we have work events or we want to go out. We try to give our APs the weekends off so they can go on trips and hang out with friends. When we schedule weekend times, we do it in advance so the AP can plan around it. We work with our APs to come up with a weekend schedule that meets the family needs but also allows time for the AP to have her own personal time.
How does it work with her living with you?
Our Au Pairs have witnessed our kids having meltdowns, myself having a few terrible moments, my husband and I getting into some arguments, kids up all night, pet illness, neighbor drama, etc. etc. etc. We try to be on our best behavior with the APs but, overall, $hit happens and the AP is living life with us.
Also, keep in mind, that you need to set expectations for living expectations. For example, I am nuts about keeping my kitchen clean. Our APs know this and the expectation is that no one goes to bed until the kitchen is clean. I learned to clearly communicate this during AP interviews so that when she arrived at our home, she knew that I like my kitchen clean and that is the expectation when you are living with us :)
How did you plan your physical housing space to accommodate?
An AP is required to have their own bedroom and access to a bathroom. Our APs all have their own bedroom and their own bathroom. Our kids share a room and the AP takes one of our guest rooms. Every host family manages this differently, but, at minimum, the AP needs their own bedroom.
Do you require the AP to teach your girls their primary language (if not English)?
This brings up a great point because it is one of the main drivers for us to host French-speaking APs. Our oldest daughter attends a dual immersion school where French is the primary language. Since neither my husband nor I are French-speaking, we felt it was beneficial to bring in only French-speaking APs.
During our AP interviews, this is an essential part of the AP experience and the AP is required to speak mostly in French to our daughters. All 3 of our APs have a great English foundation and over time their English drastically improved.
Side note: I am considering in future years to bring in a Spanish-speaking AP simply because I speak Spanglish and I want my kids to learn it too… Stay tuned for this!
How do you know if someone is going to be a good fit and not quit 3 weeks in?
My best advice on this is to interview A LOT of candidates! Speaking from first-hand experience, our first AP did quit the program after 7 weeks of living with us. It was a disaster and it was probably more traumatic for me than for anyone else. In hindsight, there were red flags that I should have picked up on, but I was not experienced enough to ask upfront questions, set clear expectations, and immediately fix issues when they arose.
Any family that is considering this type of live-in childcare setup should know that, although rare, this does happen and it is a big risk to be aware of.
What if you are unhappy with your AP?
Yes, this happens too. You can go into “rematch” with Au Pairs or you can quit the program altogether. We went into “rematch” when our first AP went back home. The rematch process is not fun. The process takes a lot of time & energy and all host families should be aware of the risk of this happening and it is not super uncommon.
How did you get started in this process?
My husband and I committed to the experience, paid the fees, set up our profile (very similar to a dating profile, ha!), and started interviewing while I was pregnant with our second daughter. From there, we began interviewing and matched with our first AP.
Top 5 learning lessons with hosting an AP:
You are responsible for selecting an AP that fits the family's needs, your needs (as a parent), and your individual children's needs. Set clear rules and boundaries from the beginning with the AP, continue to enforce them, keep a tight pulse on how the family dynamic shifts when the AP arrives or is in your home, and do whatever it takes to ensure your children are safe and well taken care of.
If you are unclear about what you need & expect in a childcare provider, the result will be confusion, frustration, & lack of clarity for your AP. Prior to selecting an AP, define what YOU need as a family and find an AP who wants the same (or very similar). Setting up your profile with clear expectations can help weed out a lot of AP candidates who are not a good fit for your family. Need a good driver? Want someone to wake up early with the kids and get them ready for school? Looking for an AP who has specific childcare experience? State all of this upfront in your profile. Moral of the story: set clear expectations from the beginning and that should help get the right AP in your family.
APs tend to be less expensive upfront than nannies but there are significant other costs associated with hosting an AP. In my experience, the AP requires a bit more hand-holding as it relates to assimilating into the country, making friends, and adjusting to our lifestyle. Financially it might be less expensive to have an AP, but there is a significant amount of energy and time that goes into a successful AP relationship. This is not a bad thing, in fact, I love spending time with our APs, but it is a point of contingency and families should be aware of this prior to enrolling in the program.
Happy Au Pairs make the best Au Pairs. Mental health, assimilation, meeting other AP friends, and connecting with the family play a significant role in the positive outcome of an AP.
Overall, I love all three of our Au Pairs and they will be my daughters for life. I’ve experienced a lot of ups and downs with hosting APs, especially our first one who left without notice. Even with this experience, these girls are BRAVE for leaving their comfort zone of their own country, family, and friends. I’ve learned so much from them and I am forever grateful and indebted to them for supporting our family.
Overall, I am still learning how to manage childcare, our au pairs, school schedules, and all of the things. The reason I emphasize setting clear expectations and boundaries with Au Pairs is because of my personal EXPERIENCE. Prior to our first and second AP, I would not even know what rules to have in place. As with most things in life, experience helps build your confidence in knowing how to manage life circumstances.
Lastly, cultural diversity is more important than ever. What better way to immerse your children into learning a new language & experiencing a different way of life than hosting an Au Pair? My daughters have really enjoyed having a “big sister” around the house and we’ve become accustomed to different cultural norms and expectations as well.
Here is the link to enroll in Cultural Care. This is an affiliate link, so if you enroll and match with an AP, I will get a $250 discount on our next AP.
What other questions do you have? How else can I support you?
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Ash
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